Let me start off with I KNOW!!!! However, I cannot apologise because I just haven’t had time and I’m not very good at being not lazy so at the moment y’all are just gunna have to deal with.
After a year I was just filled with a sudden need to write after almost an entire year of complete silence… scrap me not apologising earlier I truly am sorry. Anyway, a few minutes ago I was filled with the biggest amount of rage over one of the most miniscule of things. I was scrolling through my instagram feed and one of my best friends posted a picture with some of her other friends, that of course isn’t the problem; the problem was that the second I saw that post my other friend messaged me with the statement “bowling sounds good”. Now to most people, that really doesn’t matter and it sounds very fun; to me, it filled me with a sudden feeling of self-doubt and deprecation. My friend was talking about a work trip to go bowling. if I had seen that at any other time it probably wouldn’t of bothered me at all but it was the fact that this was a ‘work doo’ you know, it was something that people who know each other through work would do, my friend who posted the picture was going to a gathering with people she is very fond of and knows through a group that she attends for incredibly talented people when it comes to the arts. I’d achieved bowling with some lovely people that I love but through work and she’d achieved a party with people that worked to get to where they were.
I understad that she’s lived here for most of her life and I’ve only lived here for a year and in nooo way am I saying that I didn’t work to get here, I am incredibly proud of my achievements but sometimes it feels like… thats the only one. It’s not (of course) but sometimes it feels like it is.
what I’m getting at here is that you shoudn’t ever compare yourself to someone else because you are so completely different and you have/will achieve so many amazing things for yourself. I’m living proof that consequences will arise if you do because I was filled with sudden anger and I was doubting myself in my head and that is definitely not healthy so please don’t compare yourself to anyone because you are a beautiful individual and you are perfect and shall bloom in your own beautiful way.
P.S. im sorry if the grammar is bad. I wrote this for me to feel better and to make others feel better. I do want to get back into this though.